Something that I’ve realized as a woman who has failed many times when it comes to honoring God with my life, is that the grace and the mercy that God gives *whew*, no other god can give grace or mercy. I am GRATEFUL to say the LEAST that God was and is still patient with me! I remember when I was in sin with my now ex-husband, I fell asleep in his arms, the song “what can wash away my sin, nothing but the Blood of Jesus” was on repeat in my spirit so much that I started crying in my sleep which then prompted him to wake me up to ask if I was okay lol not realizing that my cries had transferred over to the natural. When I think on that now I realize that God was calling me out of my sin. For years I had be on the fence with God, not intentionally but just ignorantly. Not knowing just how loved I am by God, not knowing who I am in Christ and the authority God gave me in Him. The marriage was the final straw for me to completely surrender my life to Christ and to take my walk with God serious. 

Recently the Lord revealed to me that the reason I had to walk through the things that I had to walk through was because of a phrase I spoke back when I was 21 years old. “I want to see what the world is like”, that phrase kept me in a lukewarm lifestyle. Didn’t matter that I gave my life to Christ at the age of 12, didn’t matter that I was speaking in tongues at 12, didn’t matter that I have these spiritual gifts that I began walking in at 16 (the gifts and callings are without repentance- God won’t take away what you were called to do here in the earth). None of those things mattered if I wasn’t fully surrendered to Christ. Whoever you are surrendered to/submitted to is who operates through you! 

Whatever is in you will come out of you. 

Here’s what I’ve learned over the last couple years:

1. God doesn’t change. I know we say that, but to see it, is different. 
2. God is faithful and just. Again, I know we say that, but to see it, is different.
3. God CAN be trusted. You know what I’m going to say, WE SAY THAT, BUT IT IS DIFFERENT when you see it.

If I can be honest, I was a HOT mess! When I truly surrendered I seen just how messy I was, and not in a gossipy way, just a hot mess. The devil had his way with me for years, BUT GOD! I had a stronghold of lust FOR YEARS, not to get self-control confused with lust, but self-control in terms of who gets it, and no self-control in terms of who I wanted to give it to. Can I be real here?

Lust entered my life at a very young age (7) and that was due to family members. Because that door was opened I found myself m*****bating and watching p**n at a young age.  Now I can testify that m*****bating and watching p**n was broken off simply because I no longer had that desire, that urge (and it was a strong urge), but I no longer had it, PRAISE GOD!! 

So, I was a HOT MESS! Surrendering my life to Christ launched me into my wilderness season where I was broken, stripped and refined. IT WAS ROUGH! I will have to share that testimony another post. Just know, the wilderness is necessary. Over the last couple of years I’ve had to learn how to fight in the spirit, what do I mean? I mean, praying, I’ve had to learn how to use the authority that God gave me. I had to come into agreement with who God says that I am. I had to renounce things and repent of things that kept me in a state of delusion. No one will say this, but I will, when you are not fully surrendered to Christ you are in a delusional state, don’t care how smart you are, you are spiritually delusional and that is the trick of the enemy; to keep people from gaining spiritual revelation.  So, I had to learn how to pray, I had to forgive those who hurt me and I mean truly forgive and lastly I had to learn how to trust the Lord. When God speaks a word, it is so! You cannot change what God has said.  His word is true! 

Often times when people come into the knowledge of truth, they will be persecuted, talked about, lied on, cheated on…etc. You will start to hear, “oh you think you better than someone”, or “you are holier than thou”, all because you decided to live your life pleasing to Christ. You no longer want to live a life of sin. Let me tell you, they hated Jesus, continue walking with Christ. They can’t put you in Heaven or Hell. Let your life be a living sacrifice and always remember that you represent Christ. It doesn’t matter how messy your past is, God wastes no experience. He truly does work everything out for our good, His glory! Trust God and love God with all your heart, because He truly does love you! 

Until next time ❤️